CLIVE SMITH: Women should be taking to the streets about oppression

Meanwhile women around the world are oppressed on a daily basis, but I don’t see women taking to streets about that.

With the recent women’s march, I just didn’t get what they were protesting about really. I don’t think they did either.

Was it really a march for women’s rights? Or more a march by women who hate Trump? The latter, it seems to me.

Some of the speeches and actions of those who attended were more hateful and divisive than those employed by Trump during his election campaign.

It’s a shame these women don’t put as much effort into making their feelings known about the misogyny still practiced in countries such as Saudi Arabia.

There’s female genital mutilation, honour killings and a whole host of other atrocities carried out against women around the world.

But hey, don’t let that get in the way of a good placard. Some of the slogans on show at the march for women’s rights were ridiculous.

One read: ‘Make them pay for razors if we pay for tampons.’

Wow, the world just gets dumber every single day, doesn’t it? All this time I’ve been paying stupid amounts for Gillette Fusion blades when I could have just used my Male Privilege Card at the checkout and got them for free.

I reckon things will return to normal soon though. Whilst browsing online, Trump will have come across news of the protest held in Guildhall Square, Portsmouth.

As we speak, he’s already planning to throw in the towel. Seeing that mighty gathering and hearing what they were saying about him was obviously too much for the new leader of the free world.

And here’s another thing. What about the irony of the celebrities who’ve been protesting – people such as Madonna, who have spent most of their careers selling themselves as sex symbols, yet are now up on stage at these rallies ranting about exactly this sort of thing.

Thankfully they’re not representative of the vast majority of women, who must cringe. These people are taking feminism backwards rather than forwards.

IF WE TOOK NOTICE OF ALL THESE STUDIES, WE’D END UP STARVING

The Food Standards Agency has issued another warning, this time about the risks of acrylamide – a chemical compound found when foods are cooked at high temperatures.

Burnt toast, crispy roast potatoes, chips, the list went on.

If we listened to everything such studies found, the population would be on extended hunger strike because there’d be nothing safe to eat.

The obesity crisis would be resolved though.

The advice we’ve been asked to follow is basically don’t cook anything until it’s burnt.

That’s bad news in our house. I’m surprised we’ve all made it this far.

And if shrinking clothes are ever found to cause harm, we may as well just give up now!

IT’S GOOD TO SEE THE BACK OF JANUARY, THE NOTHING MONTH

I know you shouldn’t wish your life away, but it’s always good to see the back of January.

It’s a nothing month. I reckon that if it was a wrestling move, it would be the sleeper hold.

After all the activity of the festive period, there’s just a big lull of nothingness, with rotten weather and the last remnants of those Christmas shortbreads still hanging around.

If, like me, you got paid before Christmas, the January pay day feels like it takes forever to come around.

Especially if you spent it all before the new year.

Now you’re lurching over the line towards February, eying up which piece of the family silver could disappear unnoticed and raise some much-needed cash to tide you over.