How 'helping out' has turned me into the Pilsbury Doughboy | Blaise Tapp

Rather like a 21st Century Pillsbury Doughboy, I could easily have been the portly poster person for the government's Eat Out To Help Out campaign.

In a take on the iconic land girls campaign of the 1940s, I could strike a suitable pose – probably patting my protruding stomach – beneath the legend ‘I’ve just helped out – again’.

Where granny’s generation dug deep for victory, ensuring that a wounded nation didn’t go hungry, my tribe and I have maintained this legacy by woofing down our own body weight in barbecue ribs and stuffed-crust meat feast pizzas.

What has made all this doubly satisfying is that chancellor Rishi Sunak has picked up half of (some of) my bills during August in an attempt to entice us all out of the supermarkets and back into bars and cafes.

We are told that it has been a huge success, with the scheme being used 64m times in the first three weeks of the month (the final figure has not yet been revealed), meaning that the cost to the Treasury will be eyewatering.

One thing that we can be certain of is that this government will trumpet this as a huge triumph, irrespective of whether or not it has a lasting positive impact on the hospitality industry.

There have been reports of businesses pulling out of the scheme due to repeated acts of aggression by would-be punters, frustrated at not being able to get a table at some popular venues.

Getting cross with bar and waiting staff is the hallmark of a numpty – these grafters are generally among the lowest paid in society and the service they provide is designed to put a smile on our face.

I have always made a point of laying on the charm with anybody who works with food having heard horror stories about how some staff get their own back on those who slight them, although I am sure such practices have long since been consigned to history.

Why anyone would want to cheese off someone who is in the business of giving them a half-price meal is beyond me.

Yes, it is always slightly frustrating to be told ‘there’s no room at the inn’ but it can’t be a surprise to anybody that there are full tables when somebody else is paying half the bill.

This was always the risk of running the scheme in August, a time when most of us had some time off and were more than likely to nip out for a bite to eat.

In tourist traps such as Cornwall, where we spent some time, it is a fair assumption that restaurateurs would have been busy with or without the chancellor’s help.

Judging by the happy faces of those who I saw during my gastronomic adventures last month, this was a government policy that most could get behind, meaning that we shouldn’t rule out a repeat of this if ministers continue to garner unfavourable headlines.

Although it is unlikely that there will be another general election for four years, no administration can sustain the kicking that Boris Johnson and co are currently receiving at the hands of journalists and opponents alike.

This probably means that we should expect more ‘treats’ from Westminster in the coming months.

Compared to what might happen to the economy if many of these businesses went to the wall, it could well be that any future outlay would be money well spent, although I am sure health experts everywhere will throw their hands in the air if the state continues to sponsor gluttony like this.

Having said that, I wouldn’t be surprised if the powers that be announce they are paying for our gym memberships to help us shed the extra pounds we have piled on over the past month.