My hotel room was rougher than I thought | Zella Compton

Zella was not happy in her hotel room. Picture: ShutterstockZella was not happy in her hotel room. Picture: Shutterstock
Zella was not happy in her hotel room. Picture: Shutterstock
I spent last weekend in London on a long overdue and long-promised theatre weekend away with my daughters.Sometimes I forget the amazing things which our capital offers us, and this time I also forgot to take my carefully planned itinerary including post codes for all the attractions I haunted 30-plus years ago and have completely forgotten how to find.

Ah well.

Aside from that, the weekend was almost fantastic.

It started with booking a Travelodge months ago to ensure a really cheap place to stay.

And who cares if it came with stains on the ceiling, and a boot mark kicked into and through the back of the bathroom door, and something which might have been blood on the curtains?

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Not me, the beds – at least – were clean and luckily I had a spare clear bag with me in which to encase the remote.

You know what?

I have never ever done that in my life before, but entering that room made my skin crawl.

It was on the top floor of the hotel, so we were hoping for great views.

Sadly no, even though the room was three times the size of a standard family room expectation, the window was suitable for a squeezed bathroom.

Immediately it made me suspicious.

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If it had been in America, I would have assumed that Dexter Morgan (the fictional serial killer) had used it, encased in plastic, as one of his kill locations.

But hey ho, it was truly grim and the worst Travelodge ever, but at least it was cheap and warm.

We spent the time we weren’t lying awake waiting to be murdered going to shows.

Touching the Void is extraordinary and tells the story of Joe Simpson, who was injured in a climbing accident, and whose partner cut the rope on him.

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He fell to what should have been his death, but miraculously survived and crawled five miles plus back to base camp.

After watching that, who cares about the mould growing in the carpet in the corner of the room, or what was feeding it? Even with all the things I’m forgetting currently, I expect I’ll remember that.

I have to admire how some people can steal 100 sheep

There is a spate of sheep-rustling taking place across the country with up to 100 sheep being stolen from farms at a time.

My mind is boggled by this for so many reasons, starting with the logistics of getting 100 sheep into any form of transport at night in the dark.

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I find it hard enough to get my handbag into the car, and that’s pretty obedient, so how you’d even begin to move the sheep with or without dogs, is beyond me.

And then what are you seriously going to do with 100 illegal sheep?

There has to be some dedicated back-up to the plan, whether butchering or moving them on. It’s all very wild west Wiltshire if you ask me. Obviously gutting for the farmers too.

Has no one heard of personal space on the motorway?

What is it with some idiots on the motorway who feel the need to drive close behind you and flash their lights, even when you’re both travelling at the speed limit, and there’s a car in front of you?

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I witnessed this aggressive and plain idiotic behaviour on the M27. The van must have been six feet at most behind me (my driving teacher would have had a fit) and flashed furiously for about a minute while I was clearly passing another vehicle.

When I pulled over, the passenger decided to film me as they passed, which tells me they were idiots and not in an emergency. If this is your friend or family member, feel free to have a word.

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