I went to Victorious on Sunday, and by the end of it, I was very close to expiring, believe me.
Be grateful while you’ve still got it, all those of you under the age of 45 who can jolly the day away without exploding knees.
But middle age does more than affect the joints.
Woe was me trying to decipher the utterly cool – but tiny – lanyard map.
People warned not to go to popular beach this weekend unless they have booking
Royal Navy warship based in Portsmouth is due to set sail on a three-year mission to maintain the security in Gulf
Fareham dog walker and trainer Ian 'Wiggy' Symes thought to be killed by XL American Bully breed dog
Crash on M27 at Fareham leaves two lanes blocked causing heavy delays for drivers in heatwave
Thunderstorms yellow weather warning issued over Waterlooville, Fareham and parts of Hampshire by Met Office with chance of 'heavy rain'
With my vision ramped up to full squint, and on an angle, and in the sunshine, I could just about make out the numbers which represented the attractions, but I was lost with the key.
More fool me for not packing my glasses along with the spare pair of shoes in case I got blisters – which I did.
There was also a spare jumper, a headscarf, and a shirt in case of all possible weather changes.
Of course there was masses of sun screen as I well know that Southsea Common has little-to-no shade.
I would gladly have swapped it all for my specs though.
It was super to see free water taps to keep the masses hydrated and I hope that this means there will no longer be any plastic water bottles allowed, or sold, on site.
It did make me laugh as I went through security with my reusable bottle.
To prove that it contained water (it did) I had to take a mouthful.
This is the craziest proof I’ve ever heard, and I suspect that either the guard took pity on me escorting a babble of 15 year olds, or had fallen asleep during the security briefing.
Either way, Victorious was – as ever – Victorious.
Next year, with lots of big signs, a ban on plastics, and some female camerawomen (let’s see some pretty men in the crowds for a change), it’ll be truly epic.
All Boris’s team is managing to display is his buffoonery
I am fascinated by Boris Johnson’s latest visual quest to prove he’s a man of the people in the images his team chose to release.
Each picture which comes out from his office is carefully curated.
This is a team which is talking to you visually, manipulating the balance of buffoonery of yesteryear with a pseudo-air of competence. The thumbs-up casualness as if to say, ‘look at me, I’m just like you’.
The feet up pose, ‘yes I’m relaxed and in control’ , and the general dishevelled working hard look which is being tempered with concentrating fiercely – portrayed by staring into the middle distance.
It’s almost as excruciating as teenage Instagrammers.
It’s so good to hear positive news about the environment
There’s a pumice event taking place near Tonga in the Pacific – how exciting.
I remember pumice events happening as a child when a new rock was purchased and the old one thrown out.
To be fair, I don’t ever remember using a pumice stone, just that they lurked around in the bathroom.
But this event is being hailed by scientists as hope for the Great Barrier Reef, and potentially an antidote to some of the bleaching. Tonnes of pumice – from marble to basketball size – have been spewing out of the volcanic seabed.
It is carrying hundreds of microbes and other delights to Australia where it’s hoped – in seven to 10 months time – it’ll have a positive impact.