The joys of a garage clear-out | BBC Radio Solent's Alun Newman

Also, I’d be able to get out of the car once I’ve parked it in there.

However, this was almost certainly far too ambitious.

Whenever I think of people who can actually get a car in their garage I remember fondly a neighbour who had a parking positioning system.

When he was driving into the garage he never went too far in. He had perfectly positioned a tennis ball, hanging from a piece of string and when the windscreen kissed the tennis ball it was time for the handbrake.

He was an engineer so he was obviously brilliant and patient and pragmatic. It will not surprise you to learn that I am not in that league.

However, on this latest cleaning out of the garage, I did manage to unearth some past treasure, oh yes, only the Thigh-Master 8000 – Legs and Thighs Total Workout.

It allows you to do half-splits, standing up. It has handles like a bike.

And it was in the same brand new condition as when we got it from my mother-in-law who had bought it from a shopping channel.

The people demo-selling this item would have all been in their twenties wearing skimpy amounts of Lycra, sun-bronzed and as tight as a drum.

They would have explained the easy payment system while grating cheese on their abs!

My mother-in-law ‘never got on with it’. I didn’t want to bring it back home after she gave it to us but was outvoted.

Of course, we never used it. I say ‘never used it’ but that is unfair.

By chance, it was the near-perfect shape for air-drying towels and T-shirts.

After a while, and with no-one's thighs being mastered in any way shape or form, it made its way to the garage – the last chance saloon for household items. If you can’t decide whether to bin it, sell it, or give it, the garage is the answer.

We did try to sell it for £1 but no-one even tried to knock us down. We couldn’t give it away. People were obviously content with their thighs.

I loaded it and other items into the boot of my car as I was keen to get the most from my pre-booked slot at the recycling centre.

But as I started unloading I realised I still couldn’t simply throw away this piece of utterly useless gym kit.

So I decided it should be allowed one more chance to survive.

I decided I would place it in the ‘Re-use Cabin’.

Now this is a place of mystery at the tip (recycling centre) where you can get pictures no-one wants, furniture that’s only fit for kindling, and an unlimited supply of golf clubs.

Yes, this was the place for the thigh machine to get a reprieve.

I was stopped by a man in high viz with an eye for detail and fly-tippers. He confronted me. ‘In the metal skip, number four, please sir,’ he said.

I explained in detail that this was brand new. It was in great condition. It would be ideal to take up space in someone else’s home.

The high-viz-man was having none of it. In the end, I asked him whether he would like it for himself.

He replied in a dry tone with no inflection. ‘My thighs are already in great shape sir,’ he said. I was beaten. No-one wanted to save this item.

I said my emotional goodbyes and lobbed it into its final resting place.

In summary, one of two things is possible. Could it be that some inventions are simply so rubbish that unless you have someone super-fit bouncing around on it the only other use is to melt it down and come up with another idea (which is hopefully useful)?

Or, are we simply not taking the condition of our thighs seriously. It must be the latter. Come on Portsmouth our thighs deserve better.

YOURS FOR JUST £100K A WEEK

The demand for holiday locations and places to stay has never been higher. Even though more capacity may kick in when restrictions potentially change, demand is outstripping supply.

As ever, there’s always an opportunist ready in the wings to make some easy money. Like the websites that let you put your home up for rent during the summer.

One man with a wife and three children found the ideal four-bed house in Cornwall. The owner wanted £71,000 for the week-long stay.

Next day with the news feeds smelling a trend we had a better story. A house with pool in Suffolk was yours to rent for a week for more than £100,000. Use of the hot tub was £20 extra. It would seem greed knows no bounds.

I thought I’d put my house on for a quick summer windfall. Here’s the description. ‘Family house on the south coast (quite a way inland. Smells constantly of either wet or hot dog (pet, not tinned sausage). There’s another dog under the fridge but that is just fur the hoover can’t reach.

‘Several bedrooms, one has an unacceptable, aroma of older teenager (includes wet towel behind the door, £20 surcharge). Another room looks like it’s been burgled but that’s as tidy as it gets (daughter’s). Also comes with a kitchen cupboard that we request you don’t open as it’s full of plastic water bottles and takeaway tubs and the rule is if you open it, you have to re-stack. Garden the size of a 2nd class stamp. Yours for the week just £xxx,xxx (was thinking 250k but may go to 300?).​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​’

A message from the editor, Mark Waldron.

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