A vague pre-Covid promise about getting a dog has come back to bite me | Blaise Tapp

As well as being game for pretty much anything, I’m a great believer in packing as much into life as is possible – much to the chagrin of the long-suffering Mrs Tapp, who would much rather I fix the lopsided garden fence than filling my spare time with various projects and other ‘frivolous nonsense’.

Even this year, the maddest of all years for pretty much anybody who has running water and doesn’t live in a warzone, I have been far from idle, even though I still haven’t written that elusive first novel.

Keeping busy has always been essential when it comes to remaining sane but these days it is the only way I can keep on winning the argument that we don’t need a dog.

The campaign to add another dimension to this most insane of madhouses has been relentless for the best part of four years, ever since our youngest learned how felt tips on our freshly painted walls.

Adding a four-legged friend to our family at that point in our lives would have almost certainly prompted me to fold my clothes up on a beach and disappear into the sunset, a la Reggie Perrin.

Back then I was able to use the tried and tested: ‘We are out all day and it really wouldn’t be fair on the dog’ line to shut down the argument, although I did somewhat naively leave the door slightly ajar when I suggested that if I ever worked from home then I might reconsider.

When I made that vaguest of half-promises, little did I know that the world would be struck by a global pandemic which would keep us indoors for much of the year and, crucially, mean that my kitchen table would become my semi-permanent office.

Operation Grind Dad Down is very much back on – all that is missing is a ruddy great big red bus bearing an alternative fact about how: ‘We’ll walk it every day, dad, promise,’ being parked outside our house.

My arguments about not knowing when I will be required to return to the office cut no ice with my two, who have successfully managed to convince their mum of the many merits of having a canine companion.

I’m the one last remaining obstacle standing between my children and their ultimate pet but, as it stands, I am sticking to my guns because I know that I will be the one who will be expected to walk the dog once the initial excitement wears off.

I will also be the one who will have to remove little brown parcels from the lawn, not to mention the person who would be required to have a pocket full of little bags in which to deposit the aforementioned parcels from the pavement.

All this is on top of the fact that dogs and I have an uneasy relationship, dating back 30 years to when various pets would attempt to sink their teeth into my brightly coloured ski jacket while I laboured through the world’s longest newspaper round.

Although there are a few noble exceptions, many dogs that I encounter, pick up on my nervousness.

Of course, there are many positives to dog ownership and plenty of friends and acquaintances have taken the plunge post-covid and say it’s the best decision they have made.

I would like to think that will show my mettle as a father and continue to resist the clamour but I fear that dog ownership could, one day, be added to my list of experiences.