I was once told by a landlady that if I ever sang karaoke in her pub again that I would be barred. As a result, I’m probably not best placed to judge someone’s ability to sing.
I’m not even one of these people who is really into music.
But for some reason I like the Eurovision Song Contest, I always have.
As usual afterwards loads of people were bemoaning our luck again, saying it wasn’t fair we’d come last, it was all a grand conspiracy from our British-hating friends in Europe, etc.
Yes, there probably is a bit of that – there always has been.
Naturally Brexit also got the blame. But at the end of the day, our entry – Bigger Than Us by Michael Rice – was rubbish.
He couldn’t sing particularly well and quite frankly it was boring.
From a country that is known for having eccentrics, our entries are always dull and boring compared to the other countries whose acts are often weird, wacky and even, on occasion downright creepy.
Sometimes it’s like that TV oddity Eurotrash has come back to our screens but in the form of a song contest.
We need to enter Lorraine Bowen, the lady who appeared on Britain’s Got Talent and sang about cooking crumble. Our days of getting ‘nul points’ would be over.
I know it’s always been political and scores will be biased towards neighbouring countries and allies.
Greece and Cyprus give each other 12 points and you get the same from the Nordic countries. I suppose it’s almost tradition, you know it’s going to happen. There’s little point in watching it if it gives you the hump.
But what I don’t like is the overtly political statements – such as Iceland’s entry, Hatari, who held up Palestinian banners in a dig at host nation Israel during the results section of the show. Bore off with that rubbish. We have enough of that in everyday life.
Maybe they could just hold their next concert in Palestine. I’m sure their bondage costumes and ‘Trans’ flags would go down a storm over there.
They may as well just perform it from a rooftop on the Gaza Strip to save the time and hassle of getting dragged up there.
Ban the buds and they’ll only end up on the black market
Following the ban on microbeads and the 5p charge for a plastic bag, environmental secretary Michael Gove announced that by April 2020 there will be a ban on cotton buds, plastic straws and stirrers.
This is all well and good but will make little difference unless Africa and Asia sort themselves out. And it seems strange that the focus is on small things like this when the packaging of most products is ridiculous.
Getting in can be like a game of pass the parcel. Soon we’ll see dealers rocking up in Portsmouth with an altogether different product to sell.
Dealer: ‘White or brown, mate?’
Buyer: ‘Nah mate, got any cotton buds? I’ve missed that feeling in my ear.’
Game of Thrones finished better than Pompey’s season
I wrote in my column a few weeks back about the antiGame of Thrones bores going on about having not watched a single episode.
Well, now the show has aired its final episode they can rest easy. But now it’s the people who have avidly watched for near on a decade are doing the moaning.
There is even a petition signed by more than 1.5m people demanding to reshoot the final season. I’m pleased to say I wasn’t one of the sad souls who went to the trouble of signing a petition for a TV show.
It seems I was one of the few who actually liked how it finished. I was much more satisfied with it than, say, Pompey’s end to the season.
That’s not difficult with the dross we were served up!