For the first time I’m glad I don’t have grandparents | Matt Mohan-Hickson

Every time any of them would mention their grandparents I would be cut by a sharp wave of envy.

They were the lucky ones, who got extra holidays, trips away, presents and happy memories to cherish.

But for me it felt like my childhood had come with a piece missing, the jigsaw was almost perfect but it could never be completed.

I never knew any of my grandparents – my dad’s dad and my mum’s mum both died before I was born.

While my mum’s dad died shortly after I was born, there are pictures of him holding me as a baby but he is a stranger to me.

I did get to meet my dad’s mum but my only memories of my grandmother are ones tinged with self-loathing.

She was in a care home from the time I was a tiny tot and by the time I was old enough to understand we were going to visit her, she was fully in the throes of dementia.

The cruelty of that disease meant she didn’t have a clue who I was and I didn’t really know who she was.

I remember hating any time we had to visit her, a fact that fills me with shame now.

Worse still my only real memory of her comes on the day of her funeral. It was in primary school and I distinctly remember being excited because it meant I got the day off and could play my new Dragon Ball Z game in the morning.

I still hate myself for the reaction I had that day and I am filled by a deep sense of loss about the fact I never got to know any of my grandparents.

But now that has been flipped on its head as we adjust to the age of the coronavirus.

The other day one of my housemates ruminated on whether her previous trip home to Spain was the last time she would see her grandmother.

Another one of my housemates spoke about how she had to tell her grandma off for going to the shops again.

Now the tables have turned and I am the lucky one, because I don’t have to worry about this pandemic taking my grandparents from me.

The verbal dance that avoids the elephant in the room

There is only one topic of conversation in my household right now. Yes, you guessed, it’s Animal Crossing.

I’m kidding; it’s the Covid-19-shaped elephant in the room. Not like there is anything else to talk about. There’s only so much you can say about the pandemic before conversation dries and you become anxious.

I’ve noticed my housemates doing a verbal dance around the subject. What was the queue like at Asda? Did you go for a walk today? Have you figured out a workout routine to do in your room? These topics only exist because of the situation we’re in but don’t directly reference the pandemic, so it avoids turning to doom and gloom.

What’s app doc? The world really can be bigger again…

In the early days of lockdown my world felt like it had been zapped by a shrink ray to just a few square metres. It stretched from my house in Fratton Road, near the Electric Arms pub, to Asda down the street.

But as the walls closed in, I remember that we are fortunate enough to live in the digital age. My best friend might live hundreds of miles away but that doesn’t mean I can’t see him – even if I can’t go outside.

With just a simple video chatting app, the world suddenly feels like a much bigger place again.