I am completely miserable since having my first baby | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.

Tuesday, 23rd March 2021, 10:03 am
Updated Tuesday, 23rd March 2021, 10:09 am
Fiona Caine helps a new mum dealing with post-natal depression. Picture: Alamy/PA.

Question: Five months ago, I had a baby boy and since then I’ve felt completely miserable and drained. This should have been a wonderful time in my life, sharing my new son with friends and family and watching him grow.

Instead, I can’t summon the energy to do anything.

My husband is getting pretty fed up with my behaviour too.

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If this was all over and I could get out and about and meet people, I’m sure I’d be doing better, but it’s the isolation and loneliness that’s really getting to me.

Answer: I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so down and it may well be that what you are experiencing is post-natal depression.

Looking after a first baby demands huge changes in lifestyle. Make sure your husband realises (and soon) that this isn’t just something you can control.

Contact the Association for Post-Natal Illness (apni.org) and Pandas – PND Awareness & Support (pandasfoundation.org.uk) for support and they can provide information that could help.


Question: Six months ago, I left home to live with my boyfriend. My parents were really angry about it.

I thought I was in love – but soon realised I’d moved in with an aggressive, selfish person. He expects me to be available for sex on demand and when I refused last week, we had a furious fight and he threatened me. I want to move out but looking for a new home during lockdown really isn’t easy.

I just want to get out now, but I have nowhere to go. If only I hadn’t upset my parents so much, I’d love to move back in with them.

Answer: You have acknowledged that you need to get away from this situation – and that is a really positive step. You are living with a man you’re frightened of and who has threatened you – please do get out now.

Have you tried talking to your parents? Phone them up and tell them they were right, and that you need support right now.

Refuge (refuge.org.uk) and Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk) can help. Please know you are not alone.