I don’t trust or even like my daughter’s boyfriend | Agony Aunt

Question: I don’t know what to do about the fact I just don’t trust my daughter’s boyfriend. She is in her late 20s and he is in his early 40s and from Romania originally.

I feel he is trying to manipulate her into doing things I think she’ll regret. He’s told her he already has a house in his own country, and so therefore he cannot afford one here too. But now he’s trying to encourage her to take out a mortgage and share the cost of buying one with him. I wish I could just find out the truth and warn my daughter against him, but I don’t know how.

Answer: I wonder how much of your mistrust of this man is based on the fact he is from a different country and is a lot older than your daughter as well?

Talk to her and see what he is bringing to the financial side of this relationship. Finally, do advise your daughter that, where property is concerned, she would be wise to formalise, through a solicitor, the arrangement for her share of the house.

MY SON NEVER VISITS ANYMORE

Question: I am a 72-year-old widow with a son who is now 40. He hardly ever visits, I’ve only seen him once in the past 18 months, and then only because he was staying with friends nearby. He hasn’t always been like this – he used to come by every month, as well as ring each week. Now I’m lucky if he calls once in six months.

He remarried two years ago and already has two children, so I can only assume that it is his new wife who has made him change. I thought we got along pretty well at their wedding, but I haven’t seen her since. What can I have done to upset her?

Answer: People have been in lockdown because of the pandemic. I’m therefore not at all surprised you’ve not seen your son or daughter-in-law. You won’t know what is going on in their lives unless you take steps to speak to them. Rather than wait for a call, why don’t you give them a ring and see if you can arrange to get-together?

It’s understandable you miss your son, but perhaps there is no need to feel so rejected.