KIERAN HOWARD: It's not easy making Louie's photos look so effortless
Louie had his fourth photoshoot last week.
I, on the other hand, have not had a single photoshoot in all my 34 years.
At 21 months old, I guess it’s important to prepare your kids for celebrity life further down the line.
Well, you never know.
The latest one came courtesy of the wonderful M&E Photography.
It was an autumnal shoot in Gosport’s picturesque Stanley Park.
We completed it early one morning to make sure there were no gawpers or photobombers.
I was particularly keen to avoid people seeing me make an idiot of myself while struggling to hold Louie’s interest.
It’s a tad embarrassing trying to grab a one-year-old’s attention and stop them moving just long enough for a photo to be taken.
It’s incredible the things you’ll do to get the perfect shot of your little one.
I was throwing myself to the ground in a cheap attempt to make him laugh.
I never thought I’d stoop to such levels to crack a smile.
That approach proved unsuccessful but I persevered nonetheless, continually chucking keys into the air and jokingly dropping them again.
I think a few passing dog walkers were slightly concerned for my mental state at one point.
Louie’s first appearance in front of the camera came when he was a few weeks old.
The photographer on that occasion captured an award-winning shot of him spending an impromptu penny while laying on his back.
It’s a humorous photo for friends and family to have a laugh at, but understandably it’s not one which takes pride of place on the mantelpiece.
He had a first birthday ‘cake smash’ shoot too and was extremely content throughout that one.
Well, who wouldn’t be when presented with the opportunity to smash a whole cake and dive headfirst into it to gobble it up?
Thankfully, despite some of what I’ve just said, the little man’s a fairly well behaved tot.
As you’d expect though, all four shoots have proved fairly challenging for the amazing photographers at the other end of the lens.
Though, admittedly, none have been quite as daunting a prospect as the series of maternity pictures taken of brave Emily Mueller, from Ohio.
The pregnant 33-year-old recently posed for snaps with 20,000 bees resting on her bump.
The beekeeper mum-to-be held the queen bee in a cage to keep the rest of her colony happy.
Funnily enough, Kerrie never showed a desire to have a similar shoot when she was pregnant.
I LOOK LIKE A GIRAFFE IN A ZOO
I’m gradually becoming the BFG at bedtime. Let me explain.
According to a recent study, regular reading with your toddler helps accelerate mental development and strengthen the bond between parent and child.
In my experience though, regular reading with your toddler simply transforms the parent into Roald Dahl’s famous giant character.
You see, Louie loves us reading to him, which is great. But because he’s a toddler, everything must be completed in a particular way.
If things aren’t carried out as he dictates, then it’s meltdown central in our household.
That’s a battle you really don’t want to contend with at 6.30pm.
So, to avoid bedtime chaos, I clamber into his cot and read stories to him from there.
If it’s done any other way, the neighbours suffer. I have to gently climb in and out, ensuring I don’t break any of the wooden slats.
Once in, I daren’t move for fear of breaking the bed.
I sit in there, peering out over the top bar like a giraffe in its enclosure at a zoo.
When the book’s finished, I try to escape without snagging my trousers and falling face first to the floor.
I think it’s that repeated event each night that reminds me, as if I needed it, that I’m now a dad.