Masterchef judge's upset over oysters is patheticÂ '“Â Verity Lush
There are always occasions in life when some take themselves too seriously. IÂ find that Masterchef is a prime example.Â As with every other similar show, the judges always point out in tones of pureÂ doom what could go wrong with the song, performance, meal etc.
They may asÂ well just hold up a placard saying '˜this might go wrong' and save themselves theÂ oxygen.
This week, Monica Galetti was judging. The poor chef in question was tremblingÂ as he prepared an oyster.
I've never eaten an oyster for reasons that include aÂ consistency issue with any foods that resemble nasal excretions. I realise I can'tÂ slate it until I've tried it, and I'm not slating the oyster itself. I am however slatingÂ Monica's judgement.
Talk about first world problems. In tones of extreme gravity, Monica gave theÂ chef a dressing down that included the fact that she'd found his opening of theÂ oyster to be '˜upsetting'.
This word was left to dangle in midair, tumbling to the ground with silence andÂ solemnity.
I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd followed up with a loop ofÂ '˜you've let me down, you've let yourself down, but most all you've let downÂ shellfish everywhere'.
To be blunt, the oyster is something that Monica is going to eat and excrete.Â
Bearing this fate in mind, I think the way in which it's opened is the least of itsÂ worries.
'˜Upsetting'? Children being bullied is upsetting. Poverty is upsetting. There areÂ obviously different levels of upset but nonetheless, get a grip Monica.
If the lineÂ had at least been delivered without such disappointment, it wouldn'tÂ seem so daft.
Ultimately we're talking about a glorified bubble of overpriced snotÂ being wedged open, whichever way, with a knife. You could do the same with theÂ average Year R child's hanky and get the same sensory experience.
I can only imagine it's the exorbitant cost of the salty little blighters thatÂ contributed to Monica's extreme upset. A native oyster, one solitary globule, isÂ Â£1.25.
You can buy Pringles on offer for that in Tesco.
I'm chilled to the bones and shivering as the kids strip off
Winter is here and with it comes huge jumpers, gigantic coats, and children squawking about beingÂ bundled into them.Â
Kids don't want to wear anythingÂ remotely constrictive.Â
Hats and gloves areÂ frowned upon, along withÂ anything elseÂ remotelyÂ sensible.
You find yourself going out with a child who's insisted onÂ stripping off the anti-hypothermic and stay-dry layers of clothing, and instead looks like a walking advert of neglect.
But I appear to have reached an age when I'll spend the next four months with a hunchback from keeping my shoulders up by my ears, and my fingersÂ hurt if it's chilly and I'm glove-less. Such is middle-age!
Happy Christmas darling! Here's some half-price pants
T K Maxx is the land of plenty. Plenty of bargains.Â
Many a festive gift can be purchased for a fraction of the original price, and one can leaveÂ feeling mildly smugÂ with one's economic, yet thoughtful, spending.
Until one gets home and tries to remove the sticky price label '“ especially in oneÂ piece.Â Good grief.
Have these been invented to point out to othersÂ you've not paid full price for something?
It would be easier to get PortsmouthÂ City Council to give you a larger black bin than to successfully remove a T K MaxxÂ price sticker.
Neither are they discreetly placed. This year check your gifts for the telltaleÂ rectangle of sticky mess that's code for '˜bargain buy'.