‘My alcoholic husband says I’m a terrible mother’ – Relationship advice

Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises a woman whose husband has a drink problem and another whose friends are giving her the cold shoulder because of her new young lover….

By Fiona Caine
Tuesday, 30th April 2019, 12:01 pm
Updated Tuesday, 30th April 2019, 12:08 pm
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman whose husband is an alcoholic
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman whose husband is an alcoholic

Q. I love my husband, but he has always had a drinking issue and used to down 10 drinks daily.

Things did improve to the point where he would only drink once or twice a week.

That is until about a month ago, when he again started drinking large amounts almost every day. We argue a lot and he calls me a s****y wife and a terrible mother.

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He also says that if I don't take care of him and his drinking, he will find someone else who will.

A. Ten drinks a day is not a drinking issue, it's a drink problem.

He needs help but unless he accepts he has a problem nothing will change. 

My first thought is to suggest that you take yourself and your children out of this toxic environment and make it clear that you're not coming back unless he gets help.

Contact Al-Anon (al-anonuk.org.uk), a charity that provides support and advice for people affected by someone else's drinking.

Q. The new man in my life is 13 years younger than me and is now living with me.

I am 53 and for some reason the age gap seems to bother people.

My grown-up children are okay with it, but my friends are being standoffish. 

What's going on? I've known some of these people for 20 years. Surely, they can't disapprove of us living together, not in the 21st century?

A. How odd, I would have expected friends to be delighted you were happily in love.

Perhaps they feel awkward or maybe concerned that this man won't stay the distance. 

Either way, it’s a strange way to treat a long-term friend.

Giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps all they need is a bit more time to get to know him.

Rather than wait for invites, invite them to a social occasion and see how they react.

If they still shun you, they might not be the friends you thought they were, and perhaps it's time to look for new ones.