My dominant husband wants an affair with an older woman – Advice column

Fiona Caine gives advice to a wife whose husband wants to have an affair with an older woman.
Fiona Caine gives advice to a wife whose husband wants to have an affair with an older woman.

Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine advises a woman whose husband is threatening to cheat, and another who wants to be sterilised at 28.

I am 26 and my husband is 36. We have been together since I was 15 and have two children. 

I love him and I thought we were happy. However, for the past few months he has been dropping larger and larger hints that he wants an affair with an older woman.

I am fairly certain that he hasn't, as yet, done anything, but I am really worried. Being older, he has perhaps always been the more sensible and dominant partner in our relationship. He says he loves me but it doesn’t feel right.

What should I do?

A You're right to be worried about this. Explain that you are upset and worried by what he is suggesting and ask him to stop. Make it clear that you still love him but that there are some things that you find unacceptable, and that this is one of them.

Hopefully, he will see sense. However, if he keeps pushing for an affair or worse, goes ahead anyway, you'll have some serious decisions to make.

Q I am 28 and want to be sterilised, but when I told my GP he basically said I'm too young and encouraged me to look at contraceptive alternatives.

At my second visit my boyfriend came with me and the doctor tried suggesting that he should consider a vasectomy, as there's a greater chance of reversing this. I think my doctor was taken aback when my boyfriend replied that it's my body and my decision.

In spite of this, my GP still refuses to refer me for the operation and I feel very angry.

A I understand your frustration, but the NHS operates on the basis that most people who have a sterilisation when they are young (anything under 35) typically regret it in later life.

For this reason, GPs steer people towards contraception and/or counselling. Try The British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS, bpas.org) and Marie Stopes UK (mariestopes.org.uk). 

If you still want to go ahead you may have to pay to go privately.