My husband died of Covid-19 and I feel responsible | Agony Aunt

Question: I am in pieces and don’t know where to begin. My husband died last week – he was only 54 and although he was overweight and had diabetes, he seemed quite healthy. He had a stroke, then he caught Covid-19 and that was that – he died within three weeks.I can’t get over the fear that I was responsible – what if I picked it up and brought it home? I had a bit of a headache and sore throat about a month ago but didn’t think anything of it.I can’t sleep as I’m crying all the time. How do people ‘get on with it’ when something like this happens?

Answer: It’s a huge trauma, and sadly an awful lot of people are going through something similar right now – including the fear that they may be in some way responsible.

I would really encourage you to make contact with Sudden (sudden.org), an early intervention service set up specifically to help people cope with sudden deaths. With support, you will be able to get through it.

FINANCIAL PRESSURES ARE ADDING STRESS

Question: After 15 years of running his own company, my husband decided, just before lockdown started last year, that he’d had enough.When he sold it, we had no idea we’d face a second and now third lockdown! If he wants to remain self-employed, he’s probably going to have to start again from scratch – a prospect that makes him panic, which leads to us arguing with each other.The past year has been a huge strain for both of us and sometimes I find it hard to forgive my husband for putting us through this.

Answer: I know it has been a strain for you, but please try not to blame your husband. The whole pandemic has put huge numbers of relationships under strain.Also, try not to panic. With things as they are, perhaps it is useful to take time to consider carefully what he does next. Giving time and thought to the future might mean he sees something completely different that utilises his skills and experience.