My parents can't understand that I don’t want kids | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.

Tuesday, 8th June 2021, 12:09 pm
Fiona helps a woman whose parents want her to have kids. Picture: PA

Question: Q My parents are so keen for me to have children, they’re putting a lot of pressure on me to marry and settle down. The problem is, I am more than happy to remain single! I have a great social life and, at 29, I’m nowhere near ready to even think about settling down. I’m pretty certain I don’t want children. I don’t get maternal feelings around children at all. I try and avoid being in their company. This continued pressure from my parents is beginning to get me down, and I don’t know what’s the best way to tell them to stop going on about it.

Answer: You have a right to decide what it best for you. From your parents’ perspective, you are rejecting their life choices by refusing to settle with someone and have a child. You might be interested in some of the numerous books on the subject – use ‘child-free’ in a search engine for options. Perhaps also look at the website nonparents.com – an international group. The stories related on there by other people might help you.

I KEEP DREAMING OF MY EX-BOYFRIEND

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Question: I love my fiancé very much and we are due to marry shortly. But I keep dreaming about all my ex-boyfriends and what might have been. I don’t know why I am doing this, as I do really want to get married and probably wouldn’t know how to cope if one of my exes appeared on the scene.I haven’t told my fiancé about these feelings. Surely it can’t be right to marry while I feel like this?

Answer: You clearly love your fiancé, and your emotions are bound to be fairly close to the surface if you’re in the throes of planning a wedding. It’s quite normal to have doubts of some kind, but it’s also quite normal for strange ideas to surface. If you have any doubts when you’re conscious – as in awake – that’s a different matter entirely. Again, pre-wedding jitters are perfectly common, but serious doubts should be examined. The dreams may not stop right away but they should eventually – when your subconscious puts these ex-boyfriends in the past where they belong.