Radio Solent's Alex Dyke really is The Grinch | Clive Smith

‘Is this what we want our kids singing in the back of the car?’ he says of the lyrics: ‘ You’re an old slut on junk… you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot .’

Well, there’s an easy solution to that, turn it off if you’re not happy with it – like people do when your radio show comes on.

It was only last year the fun police were trying to get Baby, it’s Cold Outside banned because it encourages ‘date rape.’

I’ve heard that song countless times every December for most of my life, the same as all of us have, and I’ve never once imagined it was about rape. Who knew? People need to get a life. They really do.

Today’s society is an embarrassment. There was a time when death would be something to fear. But as the world becomes more stupid it’ll probably become more appealing.

An asteroid appearing in the night sky on December 24 would be more welcome than Father Christmas. But wait! People have the hump about Santa being a man now as well.

Give it a rest please, he’s always been an older, bearded gentlemen with type 2 diabetes. He’s literally loosely based on a real man, Saint Nicholas, a real-life historical figure who gave gifts to kids.

He’s a man. There is no need to change history and pretend he never was.

I expect after her stint in I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here they’ll get Caitlin Jenner to play Santa Claus in the next remake of Miracle on 34th Street.

And the ‘Christmas is ruined’ moaners are already out in force. They’re usually looking for compo after a bit of Lego is missing from a tub of 500 pieces. But they’v e made an early appearance this time around with some uproar about Bounty bar being found in the first two windows of an advent calendar.

Hang on a minute – that is disgusting! Who even likes Bounties? Christmas is ruined after all...

When terror strikes, the best of humanity responds to it

Terrorism has yet again caused death on our streets, but as with a lot of these tragedies, there are tales of heroism or kindness which shine through the chaos.

Such as the men who ran towards the terrorist, who appeared to be wearing a suicide vest and was brandishing two knives.

And could their response be any more British? They took him down with a fire extinguisher and a narwhal tusk. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in Googling ‘narwhal tusk’ in the aftermath.

One of the London Bridge heroes was a Polish man who is going to receive one of the highest honours back in his native country. I hope he and the others receive bravery awards here, too.

The election campaign has been all about mudslinging

Thank the Lord there are only two days until the general election and then everything can return to normal. I can’t wait!

There’s been all this build up, candidates canvassing around the country, leaders’ debates and other TV interviews, but does any of this really change people’s minds on who they vote for?

Few will take any notice of party policies or manifestos. Other than that it is just a mud-slinging contest – like when Jeremy Corbyn lied about watching the Queen’s speech. That’s not really a massive shock, but it got milked for all it was worth.

It turns out Corbyn was actually visiting a homeless shelter. Fair enough. He could have a bath, something to eat and a new tracksuit.