Spring cleaning the caravan

With two vintage scooters and a vintage car in the garage, there’s always something I could be doing, be it general maintenance or going out on a nice long ride along the seafront or over the South Downs.

I also have my new racing bike for training ahead of my wife’s 70-mile charity bike ride, so I could have put some miles in on the road.

But no, with four free days I didn’t indulge in any of those things, or indeed any of my other hobbies of which there are a few.

Instead I did what any red-blooded male in his mid-40s would do and opted for four days of spring cleaning.

Not wanting my neighbours to think a new series of Steptoe and Son is being filmed in my back garden, I started with a long-overdue full car and trailer tip run to clear bags of green waste, wood, metal and three full bottle bins. I swear my neighbours are putting their bottles in our glass bins as they surely can’t all be ours!

Next job was to spring clean our caravan that, having been in uncovered-storage for two years, was now completely covered in a sun-baked layer of algae with a burgeoning family of mould cultures growing inside.

Fortunately for me, my wife keeps more cleaning products than our local 7-11 convenience shop. However, finding what you need amongst the orgy of spray cans, plastic bottles, dusters and dishwasher products precariously stacked in our under-sink kitchen-cupboard requires the steady hand and concentration of a world champion Jenga player.

One careless move can trigger an avalanche and I’ve found myself ankle-deep in general household cleaning products on several occasions.

The full internal and external valet took two whole days, after which my beloved caravan was gleaming like a new pin (though I thought she might benefit from some sort of air freshener inside).

Again, I was in luck, for in our home we have a collection of air fresheners second only in size to our rapidly growing cache of bags for life.

Like Goldilocks, I pondered over which type of air freshener to choose. We have a variety of the traditional spray types, though these would leave a greasy residue on the shiny surfaces I’d just spent two days cleaning. So this just left our collection of the plug-in type air fresheners that are kept in an old Quality Street tin at the back of the Jenga cupboard.

Second Jenga challenge complete, I removed the lid to find six different types, all empty, and four different refills, none of which fitted any of the plug-ins!

Switching my attention and physical efforts to the final house spring clean ahead of my wife’s return, my precious long weekend quickly passed me by.

So, to console myself, I checked my diary for the next free weekend for some overdue caravanning in my nice clean wagon. One thing is certain, the air inside the caravan will be fresh by then (according to my diary it will be November!)