STEVE POWER: Hold your head and groan

If everyone did that, there would be no greasy spoon cafes left in this country.

Why do you think James Martin left?

If you are going to have the Saturday Kitchen show fronted by a bloke he should just be sat at the kitchen table, holding his head and groaning while heating up the remains of the Chinese takeaway from the previous night!

n Experts have warned that the soaring popularity of Prosecco means global supplies could soon run out.

I can’t understand how this can be.

I mean, how difficult can it be to get some cheap white wine and put it through a Sodastream? That is how they make Prosecco, isn’t it?

n Construction giant Dewalt has entered the smartphone market with a tough durability Android-powered handset designed for building industry workers.

I’m guessing it has a special design, this is because I reckon it’ll have to be shaped differently so that when builders hold it to their ears, it doesn’t dislodge the pencils that they have tucked behind them.

n There has been a lot of talk recently about people not needing landlines, and the fact that they ought to be free because they are hardly ever used anymore.

However, there is always one good reason for keeping your landline.

How else are you going to find the mobile phone you lost in your house if you can’t use the landline to ring it?

n I hate that phrase people use when they say something is a ‘waiting game’.

Waiting is not a game and if it is a game, surely it has to be the dullest one ever invented!

I sure have never heard a kid say: ‘Let’s play a game of waiting.’