Wombles, Wurzels or Benny Hill? What's the worst song ever recorded? | Rick Jackson

Turns out to be one of the most popular features I’ve ever done.

Comedy Corner is the name of the feature and at 8.35am, songs that should never be played on the radio, get played on the radio.

We started off with Benny Hill and Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) and it’s slowly got worse, but it seems the novelty song is still very much loved and cherished.

E-mails have flooded in, so many I cannot keep up with them and as my boss is stuck on the Isle of Wight working from home, neither can he.

Six weeks in, you name it and we’ve probably played it, a CD compilation that would shame Simon Cowell and Stock Aitken Waterman.

Shaddup You Face, Star Trekkin’, Eat It, Agadoo, Remember You’re A Womble and the low point so far, The Chicken Song by Spitting Image which was far worse than I remember.

Just when I thought I’d exhausted the feature and we were told there would be three further weeks of lockdown, my dear listener reminded me there are many more to play.

I’ve Got A Brand New Combine Harvester, Loadsamoney, Roland Rat Superstar or anything from the Bay City Rollers or Brotherhood of Man!

Then of course the cheesiest songs also need a play. Anyone for Save Your Love by Renee & Renato or Seven Tears from the Goombay Danceband?

This is what we are lacking in the charts these days, fun. Artists are too serious posing semi-naked or pumping their lips with collagen to have a bit of fun.

I’m sure there must be a novelty act out there someone who could rewrite the famous lyrics of a popular record to sum up the current situation? The closest we’ve got to it is with Matt Lucas from Little Britain with his catchy Thank You Baked Potato.

Come on Bieber, Little Mix and Sheeran, enough about your own multi-millionaire issues or your post pubescent love-lives, let’s have some humour!

Squint and you would never believe she’s been clipped...

I’ve decided to get the clippers out. Not for me, for the dog. She normally goes to an award-winning stylist; she gets a through wash and dry then a wonderful clip for £30 a time. My haircut is £8.

Our Jack Russell Ruby hadn’t been for a long time and she was getting very wiry. So I took the bull by the horns so to speak (any Jack Russell owner will know this is dangerous in itself) and clipped her all over on the lowest grade possible on my own clippers. At times, the act resembled a scene from Tom & Jerry, but her hair is shorter and guess what? She looks fab!

I can’t believe I’ve done such a good job, if you squint. She’ll be back to her stylist next time!​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Double standards that have consumed us in lockdown

I’m glad I’m not a copper right now. Asking a solitary sunbather to go home, splitting up three lads on their bikes in the park or fining two men drinking beer outside a closed pub, sitting on separate benches.

A short drive away and they are greeted with a queue of hundreds waiting up to four hours to get into B&Q. They are criticised for being too tough on one hand, then on another, being blamed for turning a blind eye.

Next, NHS staff letting off steam doing Tic Toc routines using humour to get through this pandemic only to be panned by people saying it’s crass. No doubt those same people will want to be seen outside their houses applauding them tonight?

Strange times indeed.