Lockdown has made me rethink my big wedding | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.

Tuesday, 29th December 2020, 10:40 am
Fiona Caine gives advice to a woman who is sceptical about spending lots of money on a wedding.

Question: For two years, my fiancé and I scrimped and saved so we could have the wedding of our dreams in summer 2020. Of course, the pandemic ruined that.

We have transferred our booking to June 2021. After lockdown and being forced to cut back on everything, I’m now having second thoughts about the ‘big day’. What is the point of spending all that money on a huge wedding, paying for lots of people – many of whom aren’t even close friends – to come and watch us get married?

Will I live to regret it if I cut things right back for the wedding?

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Answer: Pledging yourself to another person is something to celebrate – but it’s something personal, so why does it have to cost the same as a deposit on a small house?

A special day doesn’t have to cost tons of money – it can be special because you make it so. I would suggest you and your fiancé sit down and have a serious chat about what you want from life, as well as the wedding, and how you’re going to achieve it.

MY FATHER IS CONTROLLING

Question:Q My father has always been aggressive towards me and, even though I’m 29, he shows no sign of changing. As far as he’s concerned, I have never been capable of doing anything properly.He frequently intrudes into my friendships and any post I receive. My mum died shortly after I was born, so it’s always been just him and me, but he remarried recently and it’s not going well. He seems to blame me for that too!I hate the situation I am in, but as I can’t afford my own place, I am forced to live with him.

Answer: Your father sounds like a bully, and if he’s been like that all your life, I see little chance of him changing too. It’s possibly a reason why his marriage isn’t working too. Please don’t let him lay any blame on you. He is responsible for his life.

Could it, deep down, be more than just lack of money holding you back? I know it seems hard but there’s really nothing stopping you – except your own fear of change.