My long-distance relationship is so hard during pandemic | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.

Tuesday, 6th April 2021, 10:29 am
Fiona helps a woman who is struggling with her long-distance relationship. Picture: Alamy/PA.

Question: In 2019, I met a German student who was over here studying English. We started seeing a lot of each other, and he arranged to stay for the summer so we could be together.

He left to go back to Germany in the September, and we thought we would be seeing one another around Christmas, but he was taken ill and so couldn’t come. In early 2020, we started to worry about Covid-19 and decided he shouldn’t travel.

I miss him so much. I’m so worried that he will meet someone else and forget about me. I can’t go on like this.

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Answer: Despite missing him, you do have to go on. Yes, he might meet someone else – but I’m sure he feels that you could do the same. If you feel strongly enough about meeting up, then you could consider the possibility of visiting one another when restrictions allow.

You say you can’t go on like this – but there really is little alternative, short of forgetting about him and finding another boyfriend.


Question: Nine months before lockdown, my marriage of 19 years ground to a halt. My husband moved out, saying he had to ‘have some time to himself to work things out’. He said he had only been staying with me because of the children but I agreed to a trial separation.

I didn’t hear from him for well over a year, but then out of the blue he contacted me again. I thought things were getting better, but he says he’s happy as he is, yet in the same breath says he still loves me and doesn’t want a divorce. I am so confused by this.

Answer: A separation this long is quite enough for your husband to sort out his feelings and decide what he wants to do. This is so unfair on you and your children, and I think it might be time to issue him with an ultimatum. If he can’t or won’t decide, you will have to do so yourself.

That may mean learning to build a new life for yourself, which I’m sure won’t feel easy – but if you don’t make a stand, I feel you could find yourself stuck in this position indefinitely.