The Sands United Solent dads tackling grief and stigma through football

Meet the dads who’ve suffered baby loss, now using sport to channel their grief and battle the stigmas surrounding men’s mental health.
Watch more of our videos on Shots! 
and live on Freeview channel 276
Visit Shots! now

‘It’s really sad when a new dad joins us, but we’re proud that we’ve created a space for dads that they didn't have before,’ says 41-year old Nick Lang.

Sands United FC Solent – a charity supporting dads and family members who have experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death – was set up three years ago by Nick, now Chairman, and Pete Moseley, Club Secretary.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘I think a lot of people think that we don’t want to talk about our babies, but actually a lot of people really do,’ says Nick.

Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: Co founders of Sands United FC Solent Peter Moseley and Nick Lang.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-1739)Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: Co founders of Sands United FC Solent Peter Moseley and Nick Lang.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-1739)
Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death. Pictured is: Co founders of Sands United FC Solent Peter Moseley and Nick Lang. Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-1739)

Nick and Pete found common ground after the tragic loss of their own children, Evalyn and Arthur.

Read More
Travel dad ticks off every European country and British city off his bucket list...

The pair set up the group in hopes they could help break down the ‘taboo’ of men’s mental health, creating a safe space for them to share their experiences with baby loss.

‘More often or not, dads try to suppress their emotions rather than express them,’ says Nick.

Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: (l-r) Wayne Luckins, coach, with co founders of Sands United FC Solent Nick Lang and Peter Moseley.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-1691)Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: (l-r) Wayne Luckins, coach, with co founders of Sands United FC Solent Nick Lang and Peter Moseley.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-1691)
Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death. Pictured is: (l-r) Wayne Luckins, coach, with co founders of Sands United FC Solent Nick Lang and Peter Moseley. Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-1691)
Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘When you meet someone from within the community, you’re able to talk to them on a deep level because you've both experienced the same kind of loss,’ he adds.

Inspired by a club in Northampton started by bereaved dad, Rob Allen, Sands United Solent was formed in March 2019 and met for the first time at The Sir Alec Rose in Port Solent.

‘We didn’t know who, if anyone, would turn up. There were about 30 dad’s who walked through the door that night,’ says Nick.

‘It took off massively, it was incredible,’ he adds.

Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: Nick Lang.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-4765)Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: Nick Lang.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-4765)
Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death. Pictured is: Nick Lang. Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-4765)

Nick and Pete, who never anticipated the kind of demand there was for bereaved dads, spread the word of their newly formed group via social media and had members travel from as far as Salisbury to participate.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Nick said: ‘I’ll always remember, there was this old gentleman at the back of the room. He came over to me right at the end and told me ‘I lost my son 40 years ago, I just needed to be here with you tonight.’

Sands United FC Solent is now one of 36 clubs founded by the stillbirth and neonatal death charity across the UK, providing fathers, brothers, uncles and grandads, with an outlet for their grief.

‘What we were looking to create was the sort of thing we would have benefitted from in the early stages of our own loss,’ says 34-year-old Pete.

Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: Peter Moseley.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-4778)Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death.

Pictured is: Peter Moseley.

Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-4778)
Nick Lang (41) from Waterlooville and Peter Moseley (34) from Fareham, set up Sands United FC Solent in March 2019, to support dads and family members, who have sadly experienced the loss of a baby either through miscarriage, stillbirth or neo-natal death. Pictured is: Peter Moseley. Picture: Sarah Standing (210422-4778)

‘But it doesn't matter if you’re six months down the line, or 10 years down the line from a loss, there will always be those triggers,’ he adds.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The club welcomes dads and family members suffering from baby loss, of all abilities and backgrounds.

‘We’ve got people who haven’t kicked a ball in years and people who've probably never kicked a ball, everyone’s welcome,’ Pete says.

‘It's an opportunity for them to channel their emotions and hopefully improve their mental health in the process,’ adds Nick.

The team, now composed of 32 members, meets every Wednesday for training with coach Wayne Luckins at Portchester Community School and meets on the first Wednesday of every month for a social evening at Fleetlands FC in Gosport.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘We have a beer, a chat, if people have had a bad week, they can air it if they want to but there's no pressure on anyone,’ says Nick.

As well as their weekly sessions, the group has a wider WhatsApp group made up of 65 dads and family members who can reach out at any time.

‘If people have got an anniversary coming up and they want advice on how to deal with their emotions, then it's a safe place for them to do that,’ Nick adds.

After initially attending Sands meetings themselves and noticing a lack of male participation, Nick and Pete decided to use football as a vehicle for dads like them to express their grief.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘It’s not all about the football, it’s just a good platform to get people together,’ says Pete

‘The actual important part is creating that community of support,’ Nick adds.

On Tuesday last week, Liverpool and Manchester United fans came together in support of Premier League footballer Cristiano Ronaldo and partner Georgina Rodriguez, as they announced the death of their baby boy, saying it is the ‘greatest pain that any parents can feel’.

‘Sport has a really powerful way of bringing people together,’ says Nick.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘Two teams with a historically fierce rivalry, but every single corner of the ground, whether a Liverpool or Man Utd fan, applauded at the seventh minute for Cristiano Ronaldo,’ he adds.

Nick lives with his wife Lyndsey and two children, Ieuan, nine, and Iola, four, in Waterlooville, but sadly lost his middle child, Evalyn, in 2016 when, at 38 weeks, Lyndsey, had a lack of movement and the couple were told that she would be stillborn.

‘It was earth shattering. I didn't realise, naively, that these things happen. I’d never even heard of the word stillbirth,’ says Nick.

While Nick is someone who has parented after loss, which he says brings other levels of anxieties and emotions, the club lends its ear to men in all walks of life who have varied experiences.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘In the beginning we had a dad you was open in telling us that before he joined us he was in a really dark, almost suicidal state.’

‘It gave him an outlet to come and talk about his loss,’ says Nick.

Sands United Solent has provided many local parents suffering from baby loss with a life line, and are often cheered on by family members on the side lines of their Sunday matches.

‘It has a whole rippling effect throughout the whole family,’ says Nick.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Pete and his wife Sorrel who live in Fareham, with their three-year-old daughter Alba, lost their son Arthur at 21 weeks and nothing could have prepared them for the pain they faced.

‘We were in hospital a couple of days waiting for our baby boy to be born, it was quite a traumatic experience,’ says Pete.

‘You spend a lot of time planning for the future, but that’s an eventuality that you don’t ever plan for.’

Co-founders Nick and Pete hope to continue the club for years to come.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

‘You feel like you’re doing something proactive for your little one, he’ll never grow up to be able to go to football with me, I’ll never take to him his first game, but we do have a Sunday together each week,’ adds co founder Pete.

‘We’re all there for each other’s little ones, it makes it a whole lot more purposeful.’