Top 10 Christmas cracker jokes for 2019 have been revealed

NOTHING says Christmas quite like a cringey joke from a festive cracker.

Wednesday, 11th December 2019, 8:48 am
Updated Wednesday, 11th December 2019, 8:57 am

While there will be plenty of old classics read out over dinner in homes up and down the Portsmouth area, Gold has revealed the 10 best modern ones for 2019.

The TV channel asked the British public to submit their best original jokes for its annual competition, which were then judged anonymously by 2,000 people.

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Here are the top 10 Christmas cracker jokes for 2019, according to Gold:

- 1 – Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn't get on with china.

- 2 – Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

- 3 – Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.

- 4 – Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.

- 5 – What is Coleen Rooney's favourite game to play over the festive period? Guess Who.

- 6 – Why doesn't Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? Because he struggles in the poles.

- 7 – Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she's a swede dish campaigner.

- 8 – What's the difference between Rudolph's nose and David Cameron's autobiography? Only one will be red at Christmas.

- 9 – What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.

- 10 – What is Olivia Colman's favourite part of a turkey? The Crown.

Bruce Dessau, comedy critic and head of the judging panel, said: ‘Amongst the political turmoil that seems to have swamped our country this year, we can always rely on British humour to pull us through.

‘With subjects ranging from Brexit and Love Island, to Greta Thunberg and Coleen Rooney, there are jokes here to tickle even the biggest of Scrooges.’

Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, said: ‘The festive period is a time for reflection on the year, and although we've certainly had our ups and downs, it's incredible to see that British wit remains as sharp as ever.’