100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny

With the summer holidays fast approaching, and no guarantee of good weather, no parent wants a house of bored children on their hands.

So keep your kids amused on those rainy days by showing them this, our list of 100 of the best simple or silly jokes kids will love.

And, of course, they're all clean.

How do all the oceans say hello to each other? They wave!

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What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese!

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!

What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.

Why are seagulls called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!

Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam!

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How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

Why couldn't the pony sing himself a lullaby? He was a little hoarse.

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Rrrrrrr!

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools!

What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt!

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Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel!

What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake!

Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!

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How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!

Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!

Why did the teddy bear say "no" to dessert? Because she was stuffed.

What has ears but cannot hear? A field of corn.

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What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!

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Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour.

How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying? You rocket!

What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!

What do you call a duck that gets all A's? A wise quacker.

What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!

What animal is always at a game of cricket? A bat.

What is a tornado's favorite game to play? Twister!

How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

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How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints!

How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!

How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They starts coffin.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.

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Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food was good, but there really wasn't much atmosphere.

How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!

What did the nose say to the finger? Stop picking on me!

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to dance with.

What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.

What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!

Why was the picture sent to prison? It was framed.

Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon!

What sound do hedgehogs make when they hug? Ouch!

Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case.

What do you call an old snowman? Water.

Why didn't the orange win the race? It ran out of juice.

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What dinosaur had the best vocabulary? The thesaurus.

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.

Why did the chicken get a penalty? For fowl play.

Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat-ball.

What's the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to planet.

Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal.

Why can't you trust atoms? They make up everything!

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Why do moon rocks taste better than earth rocks? Because they're meteor.

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What kind of music do planets listen to? Nep-tunes.

Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs.

When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case they got a hole in one.

Why did the scientist take out their doorbell? The wanted to win the no-bell prize.

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What did the calculator say to the maths student? You can count on me.

Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was too tired.

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look! No hands!

Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.

What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around, and I'll go ahead.

What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-saw-us.

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What do you call two guys hanging on a window? Kurt and Rod.

How do you find Will Smith when he's lost? You just look for fresh prints.

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.

What did one tonsil say to the other? Better get dressed. The doctors's taking us out tonight!

(Photo: Shutterstock)

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke him up.

What do you call a guy lying on your doorstep? Matt.

What do snowmen call their fancy annual dance? The Snowball.

Why is it so windy inside an arena? All those fans.

What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park your car, man.

Why should you never trust a pig with a secret? Because it's bound to squeal.

What does a spider's bride wear? A webbing dress.

Where do young cows eat lunch? In the calf-ateria.

What did the policeman say to his tummy? Freeze. You're under a vest.

What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.

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