Northstand Nostaliga: My hair-raising Pompey discovery

Adam McGurk sported a man-bun in his one-season Pompey stay Picture: Joe Pepler

Here are his amusing thoughts on the wisdom behind letting Adam McGurk leave Pompey this summer...

In discussion with a good friend of mine this week regarding the increase or decrease in quality of Paul Cooks reassembled new squad, we stumbled across a surprising and worrying discovery.

While studying various statistical and pictorial soccer almanacs we both became aware of a quite obvious footballing faux pas on Mr Cook’s behalf!

The glaring mistake revolves around Cookie’s decision to allow the ineffective Adam McGurk to join Cambridge United during the summer.

At the time of this decision, I was absolutely ecstatic as the former Burton Albion player had endured a difficult first season at Fratton Park, and the thought of his silly little man-bun disappearing out of the exit door was not an unattractive one.

In the Premier and Champions League we are used to seeing a huge number of differing barnets on our screens, as every team is full to the brim with egomaniacs each keen to stamp their own personal mark with an overstated new trim on their bonce.

The watered down quota in League Two decrees that to ensure success at this level a requisite of at least two such characters should be available for selection.

Although McGurk was only ever a ‘fringe’ (no pun intended) player last season, he was an obvious like-for-like replacement for his fellow man-bunner Ricky Holmes.

McGurk’s departure has left us well below par in the crazy cropped department.

(I only rate the ponytailed Christian Burgess, as a borderline offender).

Holmes, last season, enjoyed huge success with champions Northampton Town, in tandem with the equally silly-styled John-Joe O’Toole, whose mane is even sillier than his name.

Previous champions, Burton Albion included the rejected McGurk in their squad and at least two other extremely guilty parties.

Jackson Irvine and George Taft, both sported Hollywood hairdo’s during their promotion season, in 2013-14.

Cook himself championed League Two while at Chesterfield, and employed Armand Gnaduilet and Tommy Lee as his main over-crimped inclusions.

In my conclusion I feel to reach our ultimatum of promotion next May, Cook should be casting his net (again, no pun intended) toward the National League, and possibly even lower.

That’s in an attempt to unearth a new bottled-blonde Biley, a mullet-sporting Hateley, or possibly even a pineapple-headed Jason Lee to smash in the goals, that would secure us the League Two title.