Don't blame the motorway - it's the idiots driving on it

The most popular sport is a transcontinental road race where teams earn points for not only fast times but mowing down pedestrians and generally causing carnage.

Seventeen years on from the time in which the film was set, driving on the M27 feels like a real-life version of this film.

I had the displeasure of having to drive on it to and from work for a few years and it’s a nightmare.

Rarely does a day go by without some sort of incident and the inevitable delays.

There is a £1.5bn scheme in the offing to turn it into a smart motorway and open up the hard shoulder to make a fourth lane.

But you can’t blame the motorway for all the problems. It’s the idiots driving on it!

Making a motorway ‘smart’ won’t make the drivers any smarter, unfortunately.

Some people think the motorway is a super place to apply some lippy or attend to that five o’clock shadow.

Or how about lying in bed for an extra 10 minutes and then eating your Weetabix in the fast lane?

No problem.

If the only vehicles on there were self-driving cars, you wouldn’t have any issues.

A Google car wouldn’t feel the need to check the latest tweet from their favourite celebrity while doing 70mph.

It also seems it’s too difficult for some drivers to use their indicators or turn on their lights when it’s foggy.

And it didn’t surprise me to find that 50 per cent of all fatalities on motorways involve HGVs.

This is despite them only accounting for 10 per cent of the total amount of motorway traffic.

I’ve had to take evasive action plenty of times because of inconsiderate lorry drivers and once nearly got acquainted with the central reservation.

If people can just leave their group chats, beauty treatments, DVD-watching and all the other unnecessary things that go on until the end of their journey, then driving on the M27 would be much safer for the rest of us.

CRYING BECAUSE THEY WON’T GET A MEDAL FOR BEING RUBBISH

According to a recent survey, conducted by computer software company Adobe, 25 per cent of men have cried after a work progress report.

Wow, that really is some statistic.

I can’t even begin to imagine crying over a work review.

I recently had a PDR. It was hardly glowing, but I wasn’t found afterwards choking back the tears by the water cooler.

I bet these are the sort of men who wear ear muffs when the weather turns cold.

This is what happens after a generation of people went to school and everyone won sports day because there were no losers.

But now they’ve entered the working environment and cry because they will no longer get a medal for being rubbish at something.