LESLEY KEATING: Too posh for any old dog food — that’s our Milly!

Our dog acts like Victoria Beckham
Our dog acts like Victoria Beckham
No crib for a... sausage roll

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Anyone who ever thought that dogs eat virtually anything certainly hasn’t met my little pooch Milly.

Our other dog, Harley — now sadly gone to the great kennel in the sky — used to eat anything that wasn’t nailed down, regardless of whether he was offered it or not.

This sometimes even resulted in unscheduled and expensive visits to the vets, like the day he demolished a set of my daughter’s plastic retainers.

But not Milly. She is finicky to the extreme.

Just when I think I’ve cracked it and find a brand of food she will deign to give more than just a cursory sniff to, she goes off it again, stoically refusing to even try it and looks at me with a distain that beggars’ belief.

(Imagine Victoria Beckham, sashaying down the red carpet at some celebrity-studded fashion event only to be offered a can of lager rather than a flute of Cristal and then a microwaved Tesco value meal rather than fillet steak at the after party and you’ll get the general idea.)

Conversely, Milly will happily attempt to eat anything we’re having at the table, and is partial to begging for non-dog foods like salmon, salad, curry, porridge, you name it.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve even got down on hands and knees, with a fork, and pretended to ‘eat’ her bowl of dog food offering it to her on the end of the fork just so that she will actually try it.

This works sometimes…but I did get spotted by the postman once as our kitchen is at the front of the house. Try explaining that one!

A little grated cheese on top helps too. I thought I’d cracked it with that trick only to discover she is now an expert at picking out the cheese and leaving the dog food.

A friend cooks fresh chicken mince with rice for her dog every single day. I can just see what our dog boarder will make of that when we go away on holiday!

So, I’m on the hunt again for something she may like. Wish me luck!

I’LL GO TO THE SUPERMARKET FOR MINE

My cousin recently sent me a bouquet of long-stemmed yellow chrysanthemums and gypsophila for my birthday. I thanked her and sent a picture…but she was furious. She’d ordered and paid for yellow roses!

An interesting debate then ensued between her and the florist. Apparently, roses had been out of stock! She argued that they should have told her as this wasn’t what she’d paid for. It makes you wonder if this sort of thing happens a lot …

Eventually they agreed to deliver another rose bouquet to me by way of apology.

Guess what arrived? A small bunch of five yellow roses! She’s planning to ask florists to send pictures of the actual bouquet being delivered in future.

I think I’ll go to the supermarket for mine

TIME TO REHEARSE MY CURTSEY

Mike and I have been invited to a garden party.

Not just any old one either, but a Royal one at Buckingham Palace!

Before you assume we’re pally with the palace, Mike was selected through a work connection and I’m his Plus One. But it’s all very exciting, the idea of seeing Buck House close-up, wearing a posh frock and being offered monogrammed cakes and cucumber sandwiches!

There’s a strict dress code. Hats are usually worn, so I’m now hunting for a fascinator that doesn’t resemble a satellite dish to complete my outfit. Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain. It’s going to be challenging enough finding shoes that won’t sink into the grass, leave alone having to juggle an umbrella too. Better start practicing my curtsey