Question: Three months ago, I found out that my husband had been having an affair. It was nearly the end of our marriage.
It took a while, but he’d finally convinced me that he loved me and that he would never see her again.
Despite my doubts I forgave him. I really did think we’d put this incident behind us – until this other woman revealed she’s expecting my husband’s child in a few months.
How could he have lied to me like this? I have refused to speak to him since he told me, and I wonder if I should just walk out and leave him.
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Answer: Whatever the truth of the matter is, you are facing a difficult time and you won’t know how to deal with it until you talk to your husband.
The saddest thing in this mess is that there is, potentially, a baby to consider. If your husband is indeed the father then, like it or not, he will have some ongoing responsibility for the child.
You really have to start by talking to your husband and getting to the truth.
Question: My partner and I have lived together happily for nine years and we’re as close and as happy as two people can possibly be.
He’s really keen that we should get married but I’m not so sure.
My parents’ marriage is stuck in a rut and I’m afraid our lives would become dull like theirs.
I suppose I’m frightened of being trapped but I’m also afraid of being on my own. What’s the answer?
Answer: There’s no one answer to a question like this because everyone is different. You and your partner are not the same people as your parents.
Marriage or not won’t necessarily ignite a spark if there’s never been one in the first place, but if you had one and it’s now more of a smoulder, perhaps your expectations for your future are unrealistic.
If you’ve never had a spark to begin with, though, it’s possible you’re not in the right relationship, which might, of course, also explain your reluctance to commit.