I 'm bereft - our sofa has died | BBC Radio Solent's Alun Newman

I’m going through a grieving process, admittedly at a rather low level. Yet, it still constitutes a form of saying goodbye.
Watch more of our videos on Shots! 
and live on Freeview channel 276
Visit Shots! now

It’s the end of an era which has so many amazing memories.

It’s with a degree of sadness that I tell you our sofa is going to the tip (dump\recycling centre\waste management facility).

It has served us incredibly well during the past 20 years.

Alun's grieving for his old, worn-out sofa. Picture: Adobe StockAlun's grieving for his old, worn-out sofa. Picture: Adobe Stock
Alun's grieving for his old, worn-out sofa. Picture: Adobe Stock

It has been the location for many a celebration and some great movie nights.

It’s been a camp for hide and seek, a trampoline and a bed.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

It has welcomed the first games console and it’s even provided ringside seats for a home birth (enough now Alun, that’s too far).

Read More
Portsmouth dairies and the men who delivered their milk | Nostalgia

It is the place we go to read, fall asleep on a Sunday, to Facetime our family.

It’s in the background of a seemingly never-ending number of family photos.

When I was growing up, we didn’t have a sofa, we had a settee. I’m not sure what happened to that word, I’m sure it must still be in circulation somewhere. Does it sound posher?

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

As a family, we’ve never strayed into ‘couch’ territory. I don’t have that kind of confidence. Too USA.

The reason we’ve come to this seating junction point is that I have now conceded it’s time for a change.

I’ve been under pressure for some time.

I said about two years ago, 'we’ll decorate the front room and get a new one’. It simply didn’t seem that necessary.

However, pressure mounted. My mother-in-law refuses to sit on it citing originally, that it offered no back support.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Then, the final nail in the coffin, was that she was unable to get off of it without needing assistance in the form of strong arms.

My parents have given up making comments. As a last-ditch attempt, they even offered us their sofa and said they’d get a new one.

It’s also started making strange ‘springing’ noises when you sit at certain points and the back cushions are as thin as cream crackers.

I also noticed that this year I was, how can I say, aware of my ‘sofa shame’ when we had people staying. Some chose the floor as a more comfortable option.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The issue for me is that I love it. I know where I’m going to sit for Match of the Day. I know that when drinks are spilled and food is dropped, I have zero emotional reaction.

I have a close relationship with this household item. However, the time has come for change.

It’s currently online free to a good home.

I think it has some miles left in it but if no-one else agrees, then it’s the council collection fee, when it’s heaved off the front garden. A sad end to a trusty servant.

The next phase is even more radical. What about the new kid on the block?

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Who can possibly come in as a suitable replacement? Here’s the challenge.

I can’t stand sofa shopping. Wandering around sofa cities being hawked by salespeople letting you know that the 'sale that never ends', ends on Sunday.

Posters and huge labels letting you know that each sofa has a recommended retail price of a million pounds but for this week it’s seven nine nine nine.

It’s not for me.

In a world-first, we went online and looked at a few and then bought one. Saturday morning.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The process took about an hour. I fully appreciate this could be a decision that bothers me for the next two decades.

But I had been procrastinating. It really did need sorting. I half panicked and half gave up.

The new kid on the block arrives next week and it’s got an awful lot to live up to.

A message from the editor, Mark Waldron.

Subscribe here for unlimited access to all our coverage, including Pompey, for just 26p a day.

Related topics:

Comment Guidelines

National World encourages reader discussion on our stories. User feedback, insights and back-and-forth exchanges add a rich layer of context to reporting. Please review our Community Guidelines before commenting.