Why can’t I stop cheating on my caring husband? | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your problems.

Tuesday, 22nd June 2021, 10:13 am
Fiona Caine advises a woman who can't stop having affairs. Picture: Alamy/PA
Fiona Caine advises a woman who can't stop having affairs. Picture: Alamy/PA

Question: Although I am ‘happily’ married with two children and a caring husband, I seem to have a need for extra-marital affairs (I had my first on my honeymoon!)I know my behaviour is shocking but I don’t seem able to feel guilty. I even had a fling during lockdown. My husband did find out about one relationship but he forgave me. I would like to change my behaviour and be more loyal, because my husband really is a lovely man, but I don’t know how to start. My behaviour is like an addiction.

Answer: Please contact Relate (relate.org.uk) and get counselling help as soon as you can. You are also running a huge health risk to your husband as well as yourself. How would you explain to him if you gave him a sexually transmitted infection of some kind? The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (atsac.org.uk) might be an alternative route for you to follow. Please seek professional help.


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Question: Why can’t I change my life? I feel like I’m such a failure and I’m so depressed with myself that I can’t see me ever amounting to anything. My boss offered me a fantastic promotion a couple of weeks ago, but in the end, I just turned it down – don’t ask me why, I just don’t know, but it all seemed too much.On top of that, I’m in a relationship with someone that I’ve long since fallen out of love with.I can’t seem to summon up the energy to break up. Why am I stuck in such a rut, and what’s wrong with me?

Answer: Most of us experience this battling of the two sides of our nature quite regularly, and it is often perfectly normal. It only becomes a problem if, as with you, you let the negative side continually come to the fore.Also, huge numbers of people have become depressed because of either Covid itself or the repercussions from it. If you think this might be you then perhaps a chat with your GP would help, or you could try other remedies, like exercise, which is known to help.