"I was a military wife, pregnant, alone and constantly starting over - no one prepares you for this life"
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A former military wife believes she was “thrown in at the deep end” when she became part of an armed forces family - with people needing more emotional support.
Yvette Smith, of Gosport, said military families face huge challenges that go under the radar. She is now a mental health navigator and works alongside Solent Mind to make sure serving personnel and their loved ones get the mental health support they need.
She said she did not know the impact of her former partner serving in the British Army would have on her and her children. “My ex-partner was already part of the military when we married - something I supported despite not knowing much at all about what it entailed, and how it would impact me and our relationship,” Ms Smith added.
“When it happened, I was thrown in at the deep end. Almost immediately we moved away, and at the time I already had two children and was pregnant with our third. Moving somewhere completely new to you can be inherently difficult, but it becomes even more so when you’re also raising three small children and you don’t have a core support network.
“At times, I was lucky enough to be living nearby other military wives whose husbands went off at similar times to my own. I was able to build up friendships with these women - that was, however, until someone was posted and moved elsewhere.
“I got better at dealing with the challenges that came with being a military wife over the 16 years I was with my ex-partner, but I never got used to them. It was lonely and isolating, and raising my children whilst moving frequently was stressful - all things that other military families sometimes contend with and need extra support for.”
Solent Mind, Hampshire’s largest mental health charity, has secured a contract extension with the Royal Navy and Royal Marines Charity (RNRMC). This allows professionals to support Royal Navy and Royal Marines personnel and their families in Portsmouth who might be experiencing poor mental health.
The Anchoring Minds programme is run by those with lived experiences of being part of an armed forces family. Challenges that arise include deployments where loved ones are away for months at a time and the uncertainty of how long they’ll be in a location before having to move away.
Ms Smith added: “Through my experience, I became more resilient and self-sufficient. I learnt not to panic and to take things in my stride, but I would have loved to have had more support to help me manage my mental health at the time. Mental health wasn’t something people talked about when I was a military wife. And, relatively simple things that would have been a huge support to have, such as a document describing the emotional cycle of deployment, didn’t exist.
“Thankfully, that’s changing and there is now so much more support for military families and personnel than there was when I was a military wife. There’s also a lot less stigma around accessing it. Anchoring Minds, for example, is Solent Mind’s emotional wellbeing service, ensuring Royal Navy and Royal Marine personnel and their families know how and where to access mental health support when they need it.
“The service is run by people with lived experience, including myself. I cherish having the opportunity now to use my experience to help others navigate the challenges that come with being part of a military family and, importantly, feel more understood and less alone.”
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Solent Mind has enhanced its services with a new series of videos exploring the emotional cycle of deployment and other wellbeing topics. Families can access a free tool kit online on how to handle deployments, and a new dedicated telephone service has been introduced to support people affected by this.
Service manager Caroline Payne said military families face a “unique set of challenges” which can put pressure on someone’s mental health. “We want to ensure both serving personnel and their families know how and where to access that support when they need it.
“Anchoring Minds is integral to achieving this, so we’re incredibly pleased to be able to continue providing the service and helping people manage the challenges that can come with being part of a military family.”
Mandy Lindley, director of relationships and Funding at Royal Navy and Royal Marines Charity, added: “Service life brings unique pressures and it’s essential that personnel and their loved ones have access to dedicated mental health support. By extending this partnership, we’re helping to ensure that no one in our naval community feels alone or unable to cope, no matter where they are in their journey.”
Further information on the Anchoring Minds programme can be found online here, or by calling 0300 303 1725.