How can I get my failing marriage back on track? | Agony Aunt

Our agony aunt, Fiona Caine, answers your questions.

Tuesday, 18th May 2021, 9:57 am
Fiona helps a woman who is having issues with her husband.

Question: I met my husband 11 years ago (I cheated on my previous husband of 20 years with him) and he was the love that I never knew existed.

When his mum died five years ago, some traumatic childhood memories started to come back to him of abuse. The doctor referred him for counselling and he stopped having a physical relationship with me. It has now been two years since we made love and it breaks my heart.

It feels like karma has come to get me for what I did to my first husband. How can I get things back to where they were and resurrect this marriage?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

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Answer: While he is having counselling – which is a good thing and definitely important – it is counselling focused on his past life and how he is dealing with it. It is not counselling about your marriage, which I think is probably also needed. Relate (relate.org.uk) is the organisation to contact for help.

As for karma, I don’t believe you leaving your ex-husband has anything to do with this.

I CAN’T COPE WITH MY HUSBAND’S SNORING

Question: My elderly mother has just moved in with us and I have put her in our spare bedroom. I am happy to do this, but I have used this room for the past eight years as a refuge from my husband’s snoring. Now we have to share the same bedroom and I don’t know what to do.

Prior to sleeping in separate rooms, my husband’s snoring had made me suicidal, and I don’t want to get like that again. I wish I could find some way to stop him from snoring. I’ve tried several old remedies but nothing’s worked. I am getting desperately tired again, please help.

Answer: Serious snoring is a medical condition that can be dangerous, so I suggest you get your husband to visit his doctor. He may well then be referred to a sleep clinic where they can check to see if he’s affected by any of the conditions which can be treated.

As well as doing this, and certainly if there is no medical intervention that can help, contact the British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea Association (britishsnoring.co.uk).