These furtive shoppers are the SBS of the aisles | Alun Newman

There are two sorts of supermarket shoppers.The first group venture into a supermarket and take items they need off the shelves. They follow a similar route and buy similar products.
A Green Box Lifter checking for fresher food or longer dates.A Green Box Lifter checking for fresher food or longer dates.
A Green Box Lifter checking for fresher food or longer dates.

Usually, they finish with a flurry of activity either in the booze aisle or, rather more sensibly, in the freezer section, thus minimising the potential for thawing on the journey home.

The other group is different and you need a bit of covert planning to observe them at work.

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However, once you know what you’re looking for, you’ll be able to spot them in the same way that David Attenborough carefully and quietly watches his latest subject.

And over time you’ll become proficient. However, after this, it may be you being watched.

This second group is called (by me as I’ve created this phrase)… the second group is called the ‘Green Box Lifters’ (GBL).

This group enters the fruit and veg section and believes with the passion of an evangelical Christian that the box below definitely has the good stuff.

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These shoppers see punnets of tomatoes, bags of apples, single avocados all in their display boxes and they’re thinking one thought and one thought only – the box underneath has better ones.

So, if you’re a Green Box Lifter you will rarely make the ‘lift’ move if you are close to shop staff or if you know you’re being watched. Yes, you’re that strategic.

These people, the Green Box Lifters, get frustrated when they lift and see that other lifters have been there already.

For them their dream scenario is a packed second layer.

The same people will carefully lift boxes of bananas and slowly slide to the side crates of tangerines.

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They are the savvy hunters and their savannah is the supermarket. They lift the box!

So I decided to put a call out to all the Green Box Lifters on the radio show.

It turns out that it goes far wider than simply hunting for the best veg and the undamaged fruit.

The GBLs also see the supermarket bread shelf as a trick and will think nothing of hunting through loaf after loaf.

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Why? Because the bread at the back of the shelf has an extra day on the expiry date so they’ve once again beaten the food giant, the all-knowing superstore god.

They also prowl around other sections.

These hunters will never buy a dented tin of chopped tomatoes and will carefully check ‘own’ brand against the really nice brand that’s on offer.

They won’t be outfoxed. They’re the king of the superstore jungle.

One of their favourite moments is the buying of deodorant. They laugh at people taking the one on display that’s at the front of the shelf.

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That's ridiculous. Of course, you want the third one back because it’s as fresh as a daisy.

If they’re buying hair cream or hair wax, they may open one pot to check consistency (and for fingerprints) then reseal it, put it back and buy another.

These people simply can’t help it. It’s in their DNA. A unique combination of nature and nurture. They are the embodiment of the perfect storm of money-saving and demanding the best out of life. They are the SBS and SAS of the supermarket aisle.

If you have ever looked at your shopping bill and thought ‘sweet lord how did it come to that much?!’ Don’t watch a TV show with advice. Don’t try and change.

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Simply take a moment to realise that you are surrounded by a group of covert, elite, Green Box Lifters. They’ve always been there.

The bonus now with Covid and face masks is that it’s easier to away with staring, or at least pausing and glancing around.

There's something about face masks and feeling a bit invincible that makes this the perfect time to go on a human safari.

WHY ARE THERE NO DECENT POWER CUTS ANY MORE?

Because of workers digging up a road nearby, we’ve been experiencing power cuts. My children don’t remember them ever happening before. Imagine that!

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To my slight disappointment there’s no drama and panic like the 1970s. When the power goes out I immediately think of candles. I walk around the house making sure everyone is safe. I also announce no-one must open the fridge or freezer. I declare all this like a headmaster during a school fire drill.

When I was a child, power cuts could last for what seemed like years. My mum would talk about eye strain and the dangers of poor lighting. Dad would look out of the upstairs window to gauge the scale of the outage. My children have experienced none of this drama.

As I lit numerous tea-lights and imagined we’d sit around the kitchen table telling ghost stories, the rest of the family reminded me they had batteries on their mobiles. When I told them at the internet was out, I anticipated needing a Heart-Start machine.

Instead, they switched to mobile data and pressed on. I tried to scare everyone into the harsh reality that this could go on for hours. However, one of my children was already on the social media page of the electricity company and they’d advised it was a minor fault.

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I know it’s ridiculous. Preposterous. Really short-sighted in so many ways. However, I did miss the drama. Our power cuts in the 1970s were so much better than they are now. I guess that’s progress.

A message from the editor, Mark Waldron.

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